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These defenses may offer us a false illusion of safety or security, but they keep us from attaining the closeness we most desire. What keeps us from finding and keeping the love we say we want? Letting ourselves fall in love means taking a real risk.We are placing a great amount of trust in another person, allowing them to affect us, which makes us feel exposed and vulnerable. Any habits we’ve long had that allow us to feel self-focused or self-contained start to fall by the wayside. When we enter into a relationship, we are rarely fully aware of how we’ve been impacted by our history.

Then he dumps you or goes AWOL, checking out of the relationship before it can bloom into something real. He expressed his fears, you trusted him and perhaps most importantly, you stuck around waiting for him until he could decide what he wanted to do. The most infuriating thing about this is that a guy who’s afraid of intimacy will probably leave in the best of times, just when your relationship is becoming serious, because that’s when the greatest risk of heartbreak arises. The painful heartbreak that littered his romantic past could be what made the guy afraid of trusting you. But wait — everyone’s got some degree of trust issues, so if he’s holding onto this to the point that he missed out on a great opportunity with you, it does make you wonder how deeply damaged he is. How much do you really know about the guy’s previous relationships?Around this time last year, Virgin Mobile USA proclaimed Feb.13 to be “National Breakup Day.” They did so after conducting a survey in which 59 percent of people said that if they were looking to end their relationship, they would hypothetically do so before Valentine’s Day to save money.If the guy bolted, it could mean he was unable to deal with the expectations that come with being in an exclusive, committed relationship. Of course, you shouldn’t pay the price for what others did to him.If he’s trapped in the sordid past, he can stay there instead of flinging it at new people he dates. When a guy says he doesn’t want to get hurt or he’s afraid you’ll hurt him, he could actually be projecting his own guilt of being an a-hole onto you.

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